Friday, March 26, 2010

True Forgiveness

A friend said to me recently "Forgive but do not forget". I am trying to determine if this is truly possible. Although it applies to friendships as well as to "relationships" between lovers, the context in which it was spoken applied to lovers.

I am curious - how is this possible? Or maybe a better question is WHEN is this possible? (If there are any readers out there, your responses are being solicited here. You can email me if you cannot post a comment on this website.)

I remember a college boyfriend who I had split up with, who persuaded me to drop the guy I was seeing at the time and come back to him (which I foolishly did). Then he dumped me about two months later, somewhat unceremoniously (by writing me a Dear John letter). The passage of thirty years has given me the perspective to forgive him, and to totally forget about him, but thirty years is a long, long time.

I have long since forgiven my ex-husband for whatever character flaws or behaviors that helped drive a wedge between us. After a few rocky years post-separation, Jim and I are now the best of friends.

But a more recent relationship estrangement has left me puzzled. He is a really nice guy, but we just don't see things the same way. I blame him for leaving me and he blames me for changing. I wanted him to stay and work things out; he chose to bail out when things got tough. Having become friendly with some of his family members over a period of some three plus years, I would like to have a friendly relationship with the guy. But I'm having trouble getting past the forgiveness part, since he's the one who dumped me.

Its been a year since we split up. How long will it take me to be able to forgive him for dumping me? Is there something I can do to speed up the process, or do I just need to let time heal my wounds in due course?

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