Saturday, September 4, 2010

Why Are Guys So Clueless?

This may be a short post, because I have no answers to the title question.

I still read the paper version of the San Jose Mercury News, slim as it has become in recent years, the loss of its heft attributable to not only the recession (two full percentage points above the national average in the state of California), but also a victim of business decisions (it was bought by another newspaper company a few years ago) and technology innovations (instantaneous news on the internet).However, I am a loyal fan, especially of the high tech Silicon Valley business news, which often graces its front page in addition to the Business Section. And so when they offered me an incredible deal on the hard copy paper version for three months, I took it, unemployment be damned. (Although I do feel bad about having to recyle it every day.)

I still love to read the column entitled "Male Call". And yes, I have verified that it is indeed written by a guy. So it made total sense to me when the "Male Call" author responded to a question from a female reader about guys who "hit" on her in inappropriate situations. Responding from the guys' point of view, he pointed out that, for guys, its a matter of numbers - ask enough women for a date, and you are bound to score eventually, regardless of the fact that, say, you are at a funeral for her recently deceased husband or you are hitting on a female wearing her robe and slippers at midnight at the 24-hour pharmacy. I deduced from his answer that, yes, guys are indeed clueless much of the time.

Which brings me to the point of this post about timing and circumstances. My ex-boyfriend, who broke it off with me a little more than a year ago, and I are trying to remain on friendly terms. He broke off with me over the phone while I was a a very low point in my life, having recently lost my job, which is another story for another time. He had his reasons, but do timing and circumstances even register on a man's conscious?

We have gone out as friends on a few occasions recently to local musical events. There is no misunderstanding on either side that we are just friends, and neither of us want more than that. But, he does not seem to understand that I don't want to hear about his dating experiences. Or that I am not comfortable with his bringing a date (and sitting together) at a very small local musical event that we both want to attend. Or that maybe his "date" might not want to sit with his former girlfriend.

I would like to see my former boyfriend for a casual lunch, or to go listen to some music that we both appreciate, on occasion, as friends. But I just don't want to meet his date or his girlfriend, as the case may be. Not yet. But he just doesn't seem to understand this.

And so, after much situational explanation on my part, I am still left the same way I started out, with my title question unanswered. If anyone out there has any answers for me, I'd love to hear them.

1 comment:

  1. Not all guys are clueless. In my experience, they just don't care, and it's all related to the "treat others as you would like to be treated" scenario. Guys have much lower standards when it comes to these things, so certain common courtesies may never cross their minds because they simply wouldn't care if it were them on the receiving end. Women have a much broader understanding of "empathy," which is required for certain social situations, because things tend to affect us more. Men just don't.