Sunday, November 20, 2011

Who Gets the Kids?

A common theme in a common scenario. Mom and Dad divorce, and the big questions are: Who gets the kids? Who gets the house?

Yep. Been there. However, in my divorce, there was never any question of who got what. He got the house, I got the kid. Technically we had joint custody, but realistically I was the one who made any decisions related to the kid. It was helpful that our values are pretty similar. Jim built our cabin, and I was the one who left, so he got the house.

But...what happens when a couple splits up and there are no big ticket items to split up? What happens then?

I guess you fight over smaller things, like who bought the lamp or the patio furniture. And for pet lovers, "who gets the dog?" is probably a big concern. Divorce is never easy.

What about an unmarried, not living together couple? Easier yet, at least physically. There isn't any "moving out" for one thing. But still, "breaking up is hard to do".

With all of these various scenarios, there are some things not so easily divided up - friends. Who gets the friends? If I am a friend of one, can I remain a friend of the other? In theory, yes, in reality, this is difficult if not impossible to do.

Which brings me to my last point - what about places? You know - places you used to go together, things you used to do together. Do you still go to that restaurant the two of you used to frequent? Do you still go to the same church, the same grocery store, the same hardware store? What about the same coffee shop, the same entertainment spot? Do you split these up? If not, do you change your behavior to not run into your former lover?

Curious minds want like to know. Let me know what you think.

1 comment:

  1. This is soooo timely! Yesterday I saw my ex at a concert. He was with his girlfriend. I was surprisingly fine with it which surprised even me since I recently broke up with my last boyfriend and knew that having moved I could run into this previous ex and didn't know his circumstances. It was only later that I began to second guess all the feelings I had. I think that if you are really over the ex lover then for sure go back to anywhere you want. I agree that the people that you had in common are not as easy. On the other hand if you want an excuse to seek out new places go for it. I just moved my life back up to NorCal and it is exciting and overwhelming. I hadn't expected to see my ex and now that he is on my mind again I don't know if I should call and say hi or if that will make me a dead weight. I am sure that his girlfriend wouldn't want me around as I wouldn't want an ex around. It all comes down to the 'When Harry met Sally' question. Can men and women be friends without sex underlying the experience.
    Maybe I should start a blog so I can get some answers. Even from people I don't know!
    It sure is hard to take my own advice sometimes. To answer your your last question, if you need to change your behavior to not run into your former lover, if you still feel pain then change. If you really have moved on, do as you please.
    This is a universal question but only, I think, between women. Men are consistently oblivious
    I will be very interested in finding out what other people have to say.